To the guy (or guys) who stole my car...

8:06 PM

I hope this message finds you as well as you found my vehicle and decided it would be an ingenious idea to take it for a joy ride.

Considering the pictures, and the fact that the car is no longer drivable, one could reasonably conclude you had one hell of a time?! I mean you managed to check theft and hit & run off your bucket list in a matter of hours. Defying the law – you rebel you!

I could make assumptions that you are uneducated, but considering I have a Master’s degree and truly have no idea how to break into a locked vehicle and hot wire such to run without a key, I do not believe that you are uneducated at all. In fact, I believe you know your craft and skill set, as good or if not better, than all your peers. Good for you!

I could also make assumptions that you are currently looking for work, as I can’t imagine you intend to make a living off of stealing people’s cars. In the event that you are looking for work – guess what?! The person’s vehicle that you stole works for a staffing company!! You lucky dog!

Thank you for taking my registration, my title, my bill of sale, my insurance, the owner’s manual, my angel rear view mirror pendant, my breast cancer awareness pendant, my teddy bear, my jacket, my bumble bee chair, my cell phone charger, my Florida Gators magnet and an old cell phone that doesn't turn on or charge. I sincerely hope these items were worth more to you than they were to me. Who knows, perhaps you have a kid (most probable that you have multiple) and he/she will enjoy the sweet teddy my parents gave me when I was really little. I know I thought the world of it, so your kid(s) most likely will as well.

Thank you for also leaving my ice scraper and my size 5 Nike tennis shoes. God knows how awful Chicago winters are, so I am in shock that you would leave such a valuable item behind. And the tennies? Must not be your style huh? Oh well…one man’s trash is another man’s treasure.

In closing, I hope you remembered to say “CHEESE” as the cameras caught your face(s) stealing my car…nevertheless I turned the video footage over to the cops so maybe we can meet in person soon! Wouldn’t that be fun?!


The girl whose car you borrowed…but never returned.